my blah blah blog~~!!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

did someone pooped into the water source??

I don't know if you can consider your hands are clean after cleaning it with water that smell like shit? My hands sure don't feel like clean. I don't what happened to the water in Selangor, it seems that on the news, it says that excessive ammonia and mixing it with high level of chlorine is the reason that the water smell like faeces. Anyway I'll be using company's water cooler to clean things, including my hands. Sure it either icy cold or burning hot, but at least my hand won't smell like I used it to wipe my ass.

So what happened actually? something died in the water source?Hhhhmmm....

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Dark water anyone?

better hope my apartment doesn't start to leak black colored water...........

Monday, February 27, 2006

makai ah?? malai kai??

soo..... something happened last saturday. Well it's nothing big but still it's weird and it violated me as a person..

No, I didn't get raped..

Saturday was halfday work ...erm.. day, and after work I was on my usual rutine. Went to S & M shopping complex (the one opposite petaling street), picked up some books, check on some new arrival of PS2 games (yeah I know, geek at work!) and had my favourite ngao chap mee at the little ngao chap shop around there. (Simply delicious. I think I'm addicted to it now. I've been there for my saturday fix for over a year now).

after that I went home. On the way home, I saw my housemate Hadibi wandering outside. Found out the he's on a quest to search for nice meal (omg, did I say quest? totally geeky moment there) since the place where we live is not really Islam friendly area and I went along with him. We decided to go to Ikano (at the very last minute) and took the free feeder bus there.

So while we were on the bus, my phone rang and I look at the screen. It's a number that I don't know of. Figure that it would be another of those people who 'misdailed', I answered it.

Kenny : Harlow?..
?? : malai kai?
Kenny : ..... huh?
?? : ... malai kai?
Kenny : .. (why the hell is this guy speaking african here?)... what? who's this?
?? : hello, malai kai? nei oi ng moi malai kai?
Kenny : ???? .... !!!! what the fuck?!!

*hangs up*

Hadibi : *looks at me and admiring my unsual expression* who was that?
Kenny : .. a bloody pimp!
Hadibi : you're serious? what did he say?
Kenny : He offered me a Malay prostitute! what the fuck, how did he get my number anyway??
Hadibi : Ahahahahhaa... weird...

I don't really know how prostitution do their business but since when they start using telemarketing??

I really don't know how to react to that. But since I'm such a nice guy here, I decided to promote this pimp.

So anyone who wants a malay prostitute (or just inform the cops there's a pimp telemarketing ), here's his number.

012 - 2666223 ... that's 012 - malai kai sex sex sex, 012 - malai kai sex sex sex.. call now!!

*seriously I'm not making this up. That number is for real* but if it was one of my friend trying a prank call, well too bad you didn't call me back to tell me that. Now your number is on the internet now.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Why haven't anyone told me that....

When people compliment on you, they are just being sacarstic?

the guy who compliment on you, and he's really genuine about it, is gay?

announcing that you are okay with gays means that you are open for those kind of relationship?

when a girl tells you to buzz off, she's just testing you?

when a girl tells you to buzz off and you thought that she's just testing you but really she just want you to buzz off?

having a girl stalking you is not as cool as you thought it would be? it's just plain freaky...

peanut butter and jam sandwich taste great but after eating it for 4 days in a row makes you sick of it?

bringing along handphone with you when you are shitting would caused you to end up in awkward situation?

walking in the middle of the rain makes people look at you as stupid eventhough there's no point of running anymore since every part of you are already wet?

maybe the reason they look at you that way is that because you are wearing white t-shirt that shows your nipples when it's wet?

it's fine when people make fun of your misery but when you make fun of theirs, you are a insensitive anal hole jerk?

Saying "Well, who's gonna pay me RM 10 that he owes me now?..." is a no-no in funeral?

girls dislike men talking about sex among themselves where the fact is they talk about sex more than men?

people just don't know how to enjoy a movie anymore? they just keep on looking for flaws and graphical glitches in movies.

that I was one of the people stated above sometimes?

I'm the only one who thinks hannibal 'the canibal' lecter (silence of the lamb) is one hell of a cool character that got class?

I got this weird habit of eating the things that I don't like 1st, mostly vegetables, and leave my most favourite, mostly meat at the end of the meal. Only to savour them after I finished every else on the plate?

that I thought wrong when I thought birds float when they die, just like fishes?

erection is not a toy (eventhough you can play with it) when I was little?

during sex, some of the things that you thought are gross at first, can turn you on sometimes?

scratching your nipples in public, eventhough it's really itchy and you can't resist the urge of scratching, makes you looked like a sex maniac who loves himself too much?

you are more funny as you are than when you are trying to be one?

after falling down flat on the ground, when you jump up, close one of your eyes, holding up an invisible contact lens and say "I found my lens!" doesn't really cover the fact that you have tripped yourself?

experiencing face hitting the lamp post is not as funny as watching it on tv.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

No more chicken rice?

Because of the recent bird flu outbreak in Malaysia, all of the chicken rice seller have to rely on alternative option of meat from different kind. After numerous discussion of what kind of meat to be used to substitute chicken, they have all decided to use.......

cats, it tastes like chicken too!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Don't bring handphone along to the toilet

There is one advice that I want to give to you guys..

Do Not Bring Your Hand Phone Along When You Are About To Do A Business In The Toilet!

Yeap, and I advice it strongly not because of fearing it would drop into the bowl of brownies. I advice it because it would cause an awkward and weird situation sometimes. This is what I experienced few months ago....

I was in the toilet doing 'business', you know, investing.. bombing... those business la.. just as I was squatting down (yep, my office's toilet are those squatting down type. I guess it's one of my boss's plot to prevent us from sleeping in the toilet) , my bowel getting ready to excrete dinner from last night, suddenly I felt a vibration in my pants, I ignored it for a while but it kept on vibrating.. i was losing my concentration, so I have to answer it... it was a call from a girl in Singapore. Let's call her J.

J : Hey, why did it take you sooo long to answer the call ah??

Kenny : EEeerr, listen this is not an appropriate time to talk okay? give me 10 minutes and I'll call you back later..

J : Don't you dare hanging up on me!

Kenny : but but but... I'm trying to do my "business" here... -____-""

J : Har? I never heard of you having your own business one? Hey, don't try to lie to me lah! you think I'm stupid issit? And why are you whispering there? I can hardly hear you, talk louder lah!

Kenny : Haiya, you are stupid lah okay? don't you understand me? I said I'm doing 'business'... as in pooping la.. as in I'm shitting!!!

J : !!! ( and I can hear her laughing out loud in the background) , bwahahahhaha... ohh man... no wonder I can hear something splashing in the water on the other side of the phone.

Kenny : How can you hear that har? the shit never came out of me. It went right back in when you continously calling me for freaking five minutes okay?!

J : !!!! ( she laugh even louder than before, I can imagine her rolling on the floor right now ) hahahhaha, hehehe.. heerrrr... oh my god, ohhh... tears of joy.. you crack me up Kenny..

Kenny : Yeah yeah, and you are disturbing me. Go away..

J : hahhahaha okay la, okay la.. call me back when your shit decided to come out from that cave of yours.. hahahhaha

Kenny : -____-"" Everyone's a comedian now... bye!

And right after that I couldn't continue on, I have to wait for another few hours before I go in the toilet again. And this time I made sure that the handphone is safely inside my drawer...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

you know what rocks?

Having a grandma who is a hardcore gamer! because it's one thing hearing a youngster cursing at the tv, it's another to hear a grandma doing the same thing. Freaking awesome!

Oh yeah, make sure you watch this video of her playing god of war. During the scene where he screw two greek women. Freaking hillarious!!

Friday, February 17, 2006

how to explain where babies come from....

Well you know that kids are one of the most curious creature in the world. (well, maybe not, I wouldn't know. I don't have kids of my own. I was a kid before but that was ages ago... I don't remember well of the past, maybe mostly because something fell and hit my head and caused me a slight amnesia. But i wouldn't know if that happened because if it did, I might have forgotten about it.. O_O). Anyway...

Kids, sooner or later they gonna ask the big 'kahuna' question, the question that would bring fears to parents (or maybe not, I wouldn't know because I'm not a parent myself, but if I am, I would be very afraid). Question like

"Daddy, Johnny from my class told me about where babies came from. He said that a seagull deliver the babies to parent's house but I don't really believe him. Where do we come from daddy?"

You can have a little fun by saying

"Well honey, your mummy and I pick you up at the RM 2 shop because they were selling babies at a cheap price and we couldn't get ourselves puppy because daddy is allergic to them"

but that would cost you a divorce suit or maybe just end up sleeping outside the house.

Or try

"Well you see, your mummy have eggs inside her.."
"Like chicken egg?"
"No, smaller"
"Like robin's egg?"
"No, much much smaller.. anyway mummy has eggs and daddy gives her his... errr... let's start all over again. There's this papa bear and mama bear, and mama bear have a baby inside her.."
"So I came from bear's tummy?"
"No, but if you were a bear, you would have."
"So I'm a bear?"
"No honey, you're a little girl"
"So where did I come from daddy?"
"from your mummy's tummy"
"How did I get there?"
"Well.... errr daddy gave your mummy a special sauce"
"like the one in McDonald's?"
"err... well .. yes.. something like that"
"how do daddy give mummy this sauce? put it in the hamburger?"
"well, you can say that.."
"Oh, I like McDonald's hamburger. Good night daddy.."
"Good night honey... phew~~~"

Maybe you should just let your wife handle it... or let her watch adult films...
or just show her Shiryen's post
ahhh... the wonder of modern media~~~

Thursday, February 16, 2006

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And the girls get to know how it feel like to be a boy in sex education

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Irony at its best

They are clearly contradicting themselves, aye?

Somehow I don't think the logo and the line they use don't mix well together..

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's history

Happy Valentine's Day!..

to tell you the truth, I don't believe in spending extra effort and money just for the particular day to prove your undying love to your other half. I mean it was meant to remember a dead guy's sacrifice in uniting lovers right?

Do people who celebrates Valentine's day know the history behind this romantic day of the year? Not really? well let me brief a little of the history for you..

Valentine's celebration originated in 5th Century Rome as a tribute to Saint Valentine, a Catholic bishop. Romans actually practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February in the name of one of their god, Lupercus. And in this celebration, they came up with something like a lottery. Meaning young single girls would write their name on a piece of paper and put it in a box. The guys (lucky bastards) would later draw names from the box and whoever they've pick would become their sex companion for the whole year. Most of them would eventually become husband and wife. To those who are not satisfied with the their 'partner', they can join in next year to search for the "right other half".

During those days, emperor Claudius wanted to build a powerful army of his own. So he decided that young men that are not married yet must join the army and in order to get more of them, he banned marriage all together. (sneaky little fox). This of course made alot of those lovers upset with the decision. That is when Saint Valentine into light. He help those poor couple by secretly marries whoever came to him.The emperor eventually found out about Saint Valentine and at first tried to convert him to paganism, but when the plan fails, he stone and behead Saint Valentine.

So there, well, there are some more myths around it but I'm too lazy to talk about it. But I reckon you guys are too lazy to know about it too. But it does show that nowadays, Valentine's day are celebrated far from what it was meant to be. It became the victim of those who wants to extort extra money from that special day. So take a moment to think what it suppose to mean before you guys go to those expensive restaurant, ordering (extra) expensive dinner and wine. Buying expensive flowers and gifts for each other just because everyone else are doing the same thing.

But of course this came from a guy who doesn't have a date for Valentine. So if you feel that my post for today is full of bull, you can ignore it.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Just when I finally get to log in......

I'm too busy to post anything...... later

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Are kids really that naive?

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I don't think kids nowadays are that naive anymore..Back in my day, boys don't really pay much attention to girls at school. Plus my school is all-boys school and all-girl school is on the other side. So we're pretty much contained playing among ourselves (not in sex term la of course, please keep a healthy mind!).

We don't talk about how we get into some girl's pants, we don't explore our own sexuality during primary school. All we care about are those shiny dragonball Z cards, what happened on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle last night and how to unlock that secret character 'shen long' in the original street fighter 2 arcade game. Only to found out that it was a stupid April Fool's hoax published by that stupid Hong Kong Street Fighter 2 comic.

No we don't occupy our mind with sex, well we are curious about it, but we don't really care much about it. My 1st discovery was when I'm still 9 years old, my brother took out porn from dad's closet and play it when I was alone with him. I was so disgusted when I first watching it, thinking on how in the world would that guy still can kiss that woman's lips after she suck on his lolipop. And was curious on what came out from that guy's gun of love. I mean during that time, all I know that the liquid that comes out from there are either in yellow or sometime clear coloured. I didn't know that it can produce creamy white too.Would have asked my parents about it but after a stern warning from my brother (I'm quite fear my brother at that time), I didn't do so.

But kids I see now have started on dating even when they are still in primary school. Even my nephew occasionally talks about how he enjoy the attention he get from a girl who's in his nursery school. That boy could grow up being casanova I tell you. I don't know should I be proud about that.

I even overheard some 10 years old kid talked about sex with his friend in the park. It was pretty confusing and amusing to hear those kids talked like an adult who has years of experience in sex. They seem to grow up faster than they are intended to. Gone are days when there are boys against girls. Boys who ganging up to annoy girls just for fun. Now little boys seem to like to please little girls (not in that way!). They hold hands, and they even kissed. I don't want to know if some of them have gone beyond kissing. That would be scary if kids starting to have sex at the age of ten.O_O

Sometime I finds that parents are to blame about this. You know that some of the parents find it cute to see their son kiss on their friend's daughter? Instead of whacking the son's head and scold the daughter for being so open. They go " AAaaawww, how cute!!" and takes a picture of that kodak moment.

Yup, I do find it weird to see that.Anyway, all I want to say is, kids grow up faster than their age nowadays. They are not that naive as we are when we were at their age

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Me back!!

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Pardon for the late entry, I tried to log in blogger since yesterday and now I have to resolve on blogging in using photobucket instead.

The week of holidays was great! I love every minute of it... well, almost every minute. You see there's this one girl that 'let go of airplane' on me the last minute when I call to tell her that I'm coming to pick her up. Maybe she's shy, maybe she's afraid, maybe she have just got a huge zit and don't want me to know about it, or maybe she know about my blog and read that I'm planning to get laid..... O_O

There are some things that I've learn during my stay in my hometown for a week in random order...

I've learn that I don't have a room of my own in my house. They have changed it into a storeroom and all I get is a matress, few pillows and a smiley face in my 'room'... oh ya, not to forget all those junks to accompany me sleeping.. you don't get this kind of hospitality anywhere I'm telling you.

It's a 5 stars rating!

My cousin again invite eight lions to dance in front of his parent's house.. They give one hell of a performance and I was impressed with their skills, the lions really looked alive and they are very energetic..

They really gave one hell of a show.

Crouching tiger, leaping lion

Scotch + Sprite/7 up = bloody tasty beverage at KK's new club Cocoon.... especially when you don't have to pay for it!

a combination of vodca and some other hard liqiour that I forgot what it is prove to be too much for me. I've been drunk for few continous nights when I hang out with my ex-colleague and friends. Those guys are crazy, they drink alcohol like drinking water.. but at least they are fun to hang out with and they are what you see they are.. great bunch of buddies..

I've been politely asked to flash myself on random people after I use the toilet at Centre Point Sabah. I was tempted to but alas I didn't....

I'm not the only banana in the family anymore. This is my cousin Samson, he speaks only english and even my nephew's older than him... I wonder how does it feel to call someone younger than you uncle..

My nephew still look the same but oh boy is he naughty. He gets on my nerve sometime but I love him..

My second nephew is nicknamed (by me of course) 'kai chai' since my sister gave birth to him after right she watched chicken little at midnight.
Seriously, her water broke after the movie ends... Lucky she wasn't watching King Kong that time or else I would have to call my little nephew 'dai sing sing'...

My mum is wilder than me and my brother combined. She goes karaoke and sometime disco till 3 am almost everynight and it has been going on for a year now. I'll make sure that I don't bump with her when I go out clubbing with my friends, it happened once and my mum is a legend among my college friends now. Go on laughing my friend, it won't be funny anymore if it happens to you.